


The MASH Gods Have Spoken

by Kayasurin



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Bunny fails at courting Jack, But then he succeeds, Feelings are had, Five Times Plus One, Gen, M/M, This is not a serious fic okay?, Tooth cheats at MASH, the MASH gods have spoken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-06-08 18:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6868678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kayasurin/pseuds/Kayasurin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or: <i>Five Times E. Aster Bunnymund tries to woo Jack Frost (And one time he succeeds)</i><br/>Or: Tooth cheats at MASH, and Bunny takes it a little too seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

There were worse ways to relax after a fight, in Tooth's opinion. That... _stuff_... Europe thought of as classical music, for instance, sounding so atonal and flat. Fruity drinks and beaches. A long weekend at a bathhouse, being pampered like the queen she was.

North had knocked over the bowl of peanuts and Sandy was peeking at North's cards. Bunny was off behind the bar, mixing drinks with a smile Shakuni would have been proud of. Someone had told the Easter Bunny about Molotov cocktails once, but they must have forgotten to mention said cocktails weren't for drinking. Either that or he'd taken it as a challenge.

Tooth beamed at her friends, content to hover above the swarming elves. Bunny wouldn't mess with her _bangla_ , and half the fun was watching North get drunk. It took forever.

She dodged a frisbee, and dropped down into a comfortable chair. The low back didn't interfere with either her wings or her tail, and the arms were high enough that when she leaned sideways, she could prop her chin on one. North had probably designed it with her specifically in mind, but if so he'd never said. It wasn't really his way.

"Here y'go, darl," Bunny said, limping past with a handful of drinks. The _bangla_ tasted wonderful, just alcoholic enough to get an elephant tipsy and coarse enough the Brahmin would faint from horror.

Tooth had never pretended to be anything other than what she was; daughter of a lower-caste warrior and a fairy queen who knew nothing of human foods. It did make food preparation easier, though, since as long as it wasn't half-raw or half-burnt, it tasted good.

"Here, Sandy," Bunny said, passing the Sandman a drink that appeared to be nothing more than glitter and water. North got something that smelt... like alcohol, at least before Tooth's nose went numb in self-defence. Bunny settled down on a low couch, one foot propped up in deference to the slashes that went bone deep, mug of coffee propped on his stomach.

The dull roar of the Workshop enfolded them, like a particularly carpenter-oriented white noise. While it wasn't as hectic as it became in the build-up to December - and nothing at all like the insanity that was December proper - it was still busy, yeti working to stockpile the basics in anticipation of the winter holidays. North, after all, wasn't the only one who employed the yeti or used the Workshop to prepare for a night of gift-giving, he was just the only one who lived here full-time.

North, Sandy, and Bunny got into an argument over the cards. Tooth listened, sipping her _bangla_ and letting it quiet the usually jangling feeling of _teeth, teeth, teeth here and here and here_ that normally consumed her. Only a good fight could make it go silent, but the reprieve was welcome.

The argument blended in with the background noise, and after she'd drunk half a glass, Tooth was disinclined to listen in. Instead, she leaned over and grabbed one of the many elves by the bells.

"Could you bring me a pad of blank paper and a pen, please?"

The elf beamed, and nodded until its bell jangled like an alarm. In next to no time she had the pad of paper and pen, and was busy filling in the positions around the box.

"North!" she called, breaking up the fight, if only for the novelty. "Say when!"

"When?" North repeated.

"Oh, only three... no matter." After all, it wasn't cheating, being able to predict the final results no matter how high the numbers got. Tooth began counting and crossing out words, unable to prevent the giggles. Not that she cared enough to try.

Three made it easier to finish quickly, and she held up the pad of paper in triumph. "Sandy," she said, doing her best to appear solemn and sober, despite the way she kept swaying from side to side. "Sandy, you - you will marry no one, you will work as a shark dentist, and have a pet chinchilla. And you will live in a houseboat."

Sandy looked delighted with the final decision, probably because he wasn't destined to marry anyone. Shooting stars, from what Tooth could understand, were not at all interested in dealing with people. It was quite astonishing he was their friend, though perhaps several million years had made him a little lonely. At any rate, she'd just put 'single' in all four spaces, in a few different languages.

It was probably a bad idea to attempt Chinese grass script while she was this close to drunk. It didn't look right at all.

"What is this?" North asked, leaning forward and almost toppling out of his chair. Behind him, Bunny looked triumphant.

"The MASH gods have spoken," Tooth replied, well aware it explained nothing. After a second, she relented, if only because North looked like a confused puppy. With a beard. Which wasn't at all puppy-like, actually.

"MASH. It's a game my girls have seen children playing." She held out the pad of paper. North almost dropped it. "Along the top you put different houses, usually mansion, apartment, shack, and house - thus MASH - and then along the right side you put down who you'll marry, the bottom's for jobs, and the left side is either the number of children you end up with, or some kind of pet."

North beamed, and waved the pad of paper around a bit. "So this predicts Sandy's future?" he asked.

Bunny limped past with several empty glasses. "Need a top up?" he asked, and Tooth shook her head in the negative. "Fair enough. Y'know, we used to have a similar kinda thing back home," he added, sounding wistful. But not sad, thankfully. At this point, Tooth probably would have burst into sympathy tears if he'd sounded sad.

"Hey, no, give that back - Sandy!"

Tooth twisted around to look, and burst out laughing. Sandy had stolen the pad of paper, and she helpfully tossed him the pen. He clicked it several times, and then began scribbling.

"Who is it?" she asked, and accepted the glass of water Bunny offered her. If Sandy was going to do MASH for anyone, she might as well be sober enough to remember it in the morning.

Sandy pointed an arrow down at North, who burst into semi-drunk cackles. "Cookie taster! You must put down cookie taster!"

"Oh, and dumpster for where he lives in!" Tooth added, and ducked a thrown card. "If the shoe fits."

"My workshop is not dumpster. Is beautiful! Filled with... with beauty!"

"Sure it is," Bunny said, and gave North another drink.

Sandy waved one arm, and pointed at Tooth. She couldn't see how fast he was marking off the count, so she gave him a few seconds before calling when. He frowned down at the pad of paper, and then flashed the numbers 'thirty-seven' at her.

"Well how did you do that?" She smiled, and then shook her head. "Just drop it to eleven, that's much more reasonable."

"Eleven's reasonable?" Bunny asked, settled on the couch again.

"More than thirty-seven."

The Pooka waved one hand in what Tooth took as agreement, and sipped his coffee. "Sandy, y'realize someone's gonna have to read that out for us, right?"

Sandy nodded, and tore the page out of the notebook. A few quick folds later, he tossed the paper airplane down at Bunny, who snatched it out of the air with a grin.

"Right then. Let me see... Oh, naughty, naughty, romance in the workplace?" Bunny grinned at North. "You and Phil, huh?"

North cracked up, and laughed until he had to rest his forehead against the table. "Will be big surprise to Tina," he wheezed. "They have five children already, and six and seven on the way!"

"Twins?" Bunny asked. North nodded. Tooth made a mental note to find two gifts for the baby shower.

Bunny cleared his throat and went back to the paper. "You work in a pineapple canning factory -"

"Goodbye, fingerprints," North moaned.

"Didn't you lose them when you became Santa?"

"Hush, is principle of thing."

"- _and_ ," Bunny added, speaking a little louder, "ye've got a pet... what's that say?" he asked, pointing at a word. Sandy flashed several images at him, and Bunny rolled his eyes. "Walrus. Pet walrus."

"Where's he gonna live?" Tooth asked, slipping into the sleepy and content portion of the evening.

Bunny snickered. "Dumpster."

"Hey!" North shook a fist at Bunny, and then at Sandy.

The Pooka balled up the piece of paper and tossed it into the fireplace. "Sorry mate, what was it Tooth said, the MASH gods have spoken?"

North downed his drink, and looked in a happier frame of mind when he set the glass down. "Tooth's turn!"

"Right, Sandy, toss me the - hey! At m' hands, y'bludger, not m' head." Bunny huffed, and caught the pen as well. "North, I'll get y' more of that amber fluid, just gotta sort out Tooth's future first."

"It's fine, it's fine, should have some water before passing out," North said. "Want anything?"

"Couple of avos?" North looked confused, and after a moment, Bunny looked up from the paper and noticed. "Avocados. Ta, mate."

North got the drinks - just glasses of water - and Bunny's snack. It was enough time, apparently, for Bunny to finish filling out the square. "Right. Sandy, give me a when."

Sandy's version of a when, apparently, was to flick some dreamsand against the pen while Bunny made tick marks. Bunny flipped him off, and cleared his throat. "Seven. Right, give me a mo."

Tooth sipped at her drink, and smiled at the boys. She honestly hadn't expected such interest, but at the same time... it was fun. No wonder those children played the game.

"Right. Toothie, y'ready darl?"

"Born ready."

Bunny cleared his throat, and began reading in his old voice, the somewhat-stuffy one that always made her think of the Cambridge accent. "Joan Baez will be your de facto - folk singer," he explained, when everyone looked confused. "You'll be a brickie - _bricklayer_ , learn t' speak Aussie - and you'll have yourself a pet koala... tough luck on that one, luv, they're bloody bogans. And you'll live in a palace."

"I already do." And she'd have to return soon, she could feel it like an itch between her wings, but... "North, you do one for Bunny."

"Oh, now," Bunny said, his good humour falling away. "You don't have to."

"Hush and give North the paper." Tooth frowned as, with obvious reluctance, Bunny handed the pad of paper and the pen over. "You... it's just a game, remember?" she said.

"Oh. I know. I just. Last time, well, uh." Bunny rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish.

Tooth hesitated. "We don't... have to," she offered.

"No, no, it's... it was fun." Bunny looked away. "And it's just a game, isn't it?"

North cleared his throat. "So yes, go ahead?"

"Yeah. Yeah, go on, mate."

With a bit more solemnity than before, North made the square and then began filling in the sides. "I am including Warren," he said, and then went to the left first. "You like snakes, so I put in snake." For jobs, he said, "I am putting in Easter Bunny because why not?"

When he came to the relationships, though, he hesitated. "Bunny. Are you wanting joke or serious, or...?"

Bunny swallowed, and looked down at his hands. "Uh, just put... everyone here. How's that? It can be a friendship."

Sandy looked down and caught Tooth's eye. He grimaced, and she wrinkled her nose back. Something to do with Pookan culture, she guessed, something a bit more serious than she'd thought.

"No, no, it has to be romance. Put down... Put down that nymph, the one that'd faint if you ever spoke to her," she said, smiling at Bunny. "Imagine what she'd do if you told her the MASH gods picked her for your future wife."

Bunny snorted, and seemed to relax. "Fine, fine... Two blokes, two sheilas. You know I'm not picky."

"Adonis," North muttered, and snickered at Bunny's expression. In all fairness, the disgust, intrigue, and horror was rather funny.

"Maybe for a night," Bunny said, after a moment.

"No one could hold his interest longer," Tooth agreed. "Not even a fine specimen like yourself."

"His loss," North mumbled. "Is it insulting to Hades if we put Persephone down?"

"Y'bastard, take her off, she's terrifying."

"Need one more name," North said, looking up. "Am thinking Groundhog, just for expression you - there, there, that expression!"

"You will not!" Bunny commanded, voice going a little shrill. "Anyone but that!"

North waved the pen in dismissal. "Fine, fine. No groundhog. Hm. Ah! Jack Frost!"

"Who?" Tooth asked.

"Top of naughty list, every year since start of list. Frost sprite." North scribbled the name down, and went to poke Bunny with the pen. "Is written, is official. MASH rules."

"I'm not shacking up with some tin lid stuck in short pants," Bunny grumbled. "Put an adult down."

North shook his head. "Jack is aging," he countered. "In handful of decades, will be adult. Besides, you are too old, everyone is baby compared to you. Jack stays."

"He's got a point," Tooth said. "Wait, how fast is he aging?"

"Was... sixteen at beginning of century," North said, clearly doing his best to think through the alcohol. "Is seventeen now."

"There you go," Tooth said. "By the time we enter the twenty-first century, Jack will be an adult and you can claim him as your bride. Start ticking, North."

Bunny made a face at her, and jabbed a finger at North. "It's when," he said.

"Good, good, we are at... seven. Hah! Let me do the thing."

Bunny gulped down the last of his coffee, and shook his head while North crossed out words and circled others. When North put down the pen and cleared his throat, he visibly braced himself.

"So! This is very boring," North said. "You will live in Warren and have pet eggs."

"Eggs?" Bunny asked.

"I put down eggs. Those mechanical golem things, they are pets. So you have them. You will work job as Easter Bunny. As I said, very boring. Is like your life _now_ ," North added, and looked over at Tooth. "Can I do do-over? And give Bunny garbage-can house this time?"

Bunny stared at the pad of paper, his eyes very wide. "You're joking," he said.

"No joke, house made of trashcans. Am designing in my head as we speak."

"No," Tooth said, and lost the battle with her laughter. "No, no one else got a do-over, the MASH gods are clearly speaking -" And then she couldn't talk, because Bunny's _expression_ , and it was impossible not to giggle.

"Fine, fine... and finally, the romance," North said, doing his best to flutter his eyelashes and just looking ridiculous. Bunny scowled.

"Alright," he said, clearly bracing himself. "Tell me."

"Your lucky bride will be... Jack Frost!" North said, and laughed. "So you will have to wait some years before making move." He laughed some more, and lifted his glass. "To Bunny and Jack! Many happy years!"

Tooth frowned, and peered at North's face. His very red cheeks, his rather pale brow, his glassy eyes... "I think that's enough drinking for you," she said. "I'll go get a yeti to help you to bed, and then I've really got to go, there's going to be so much to catch up on..."

The itch had grown into a bonfire, so Tooth was distracted as she got ready to leave. Still, she couldn't help but notice the way Bunny was staring down at the pad of paper, the final game of MASH on the top.

She thought he tore the paper free, but she couldn't be sure, and she certainly didn't see what he did with it.

* * *

It was easy enough to say it was just a game. Obviously a game, even, with the results the others had gotten. But for himself...

Aster sighed, and pulled the paper out from a belt pouch. North's handwriting, at least when it was in English, was a neat Copperplate that looked almost artificial. Even when his hand was a little shaky from the drinking. And for some reason, he'd written everything out in English.

The Warren. The egg golems. The Easter Bunny.

Jack Frost.

The MASH gods had spoken.

He shook, as if flinging water from his fur, and started preparing a kettle of water for tea. That was rediculous. Tooth's game was nothing like the Akasha Serca from home. For one thing, this MASH game was meant to be played by _children_ , not taken seriously.

And yet. His parents had underwent the Akasha Serca, and it'd been predicted that they'd end up with a farm, five children, each other, and a whole host of other things that had either been promised or warned, and it'd all come true. There'd been just as many Pooka who'd underwent the Akasha Serca for their adulthood trials as those who'd done other things, and it'd always been... valid. Predictions to warn, predictions to promise... He'd believed. How could he not?

And this game... this game, only superficially like the Akasha Serca, but...

He sighed again, shoulders slumping. He'd never underwent Akasha Serca; he'd been in the army, the predictions had been forbidden for those in training, or active duty. He'd always planned to, when he got out. Of course, he'd never gotten out.

... What was the harm in at least going and _meeting_ this Jack Frost bloke? Worst case, he'd end up with a new best annoyance, someone to take the Groundhog's place. Best, well, maybe...

He smoothed out the paper, and traced the letters in Jack's name. The MASH gods had spoken, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the ritual Bunny mentions, the Akasha Serca, is made up of two words - Akashic, which has nothing to do with predictions (I just liked the sound of it) and Serca, a Slavic word for 'heart'.


	2. Chapter One - Easter Sunday of '68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in 1968, just to confirm. The resulting blizzard wasn't world-ending or even snow day worthy, but it would've been highly inconvenient if it'd happened in the morning.

In Aster's defence, he hadn't realized Jack was so, so... _Pretty_.

He was an artist. Before he was the Easter Bunny, painting geometric shapes and flowers on eggs, he was an _artist_. With a preferred aesthetic, involving pale shades and how white was never _just_ white. And a Pooka, with colour-vision on-par with mantis shrimp. White hair and pale skin weren't just white hair and pale skin, they were... and he was staring. Awkward silence, while he tried to figure out just what that shade of white-violet was.

"Did you do this?" he blurted, and gestured at the looming clouds. The amount of magical strength it must have taken to hold them off had to have been matched by willpower, and that was... that was something.

Jack Frost - wow that was an appropriate name, were those snowflakes on his eyelashes there? - beamed. "Yeah, it -"

"You know it's Easter Sunday, right?"

Jack paused, the smile slowly falling away. "Uh. Yeah?"

Aster hesitated, and then barrelled forwards. "Because snow on my egg hunts would ruin them," he said, and then talked faster because no scowling, why scowling? Why? "And you-"

"Yeah," Jack snapped. He pointed his staff at Aster's face, curved end back by his hip. Aster resisted the sudden, strange urge to lick the tip of the staff. He didn't even like the taste of wood. "You're welcome for saving your holiday, jerk."

And then he jumped into the air and flew off. Because of course he flew.

Aster blinked, and looked down at the eggs milling about at his feet. "I have no idea what just happened," he admitted.

* * *

It took five years and Jack scowling at him and flying away before Aster figured out what had, actually, happened.

Unfortunately he spent five years filling in a series of sketchbooks with pictures of Jack. And somewhere on the line between unfortunately and a wonderful mercy from above, Jack from behind was just as attractive as Jack from the front, especially with those tight pants.

So, he was going to flirt with Jack. Next time they talked. For more than ten seconds.

... He'd have to be a bit smoother next time, obviously.


	3. Chapter Two - Easter of 2012

Aster does not want to talk about Easter of 2012 and he will stab anyone who asks.

Well, no, that's not right, he'd talk to Jack, if Jack asked. But Jack isn't going to ask, because Aster bolloxed things up and shoved his foot in his mouth up to the knee, and - stop. Breathe. Stop strangling that wisteria vine, it didn't do anything to you. Bad gardener.

It'd been like riding in that bloody sleigh; just careening ahead with no guidance and no controls and _no seatbelt_. And it'd started well, he'd made a very impressive showing back in the alley, and apparently he'd used up his allotment of 'impressive' because after that...

Sure, make the guy cry. Remind him he's invisible and walked through all the time, and Aster knows how much that hurts. Bad enough with adults, but kids? And Jack, Jack with no believers, and honestly what was Manny thinking? Better the groundhog than Jack, if only because the Groundhog wasn't likely to fall over dead a week after taking the oath!

They all went back to a more basic form when losing belief, after all. Aster turned into a... an earth rabbit. Tooth began losing her feathers, reverting to the full-human she'd been before... things happened. North got all the aches and pains of being an old man. Sandy turned into a grain of sand hidden in a child's mind, apparently. And Aster had overheard Jack, just before they'd all split up, asking Tooth about drowning and...

He might not've known about the died-and-come-back thing before, but he'd known about the believers.

Things had picked up a bit during the race to gather teeth, and he'd been very proud of how many he'd collected. (Forgot to leave quarters, but at least he wasn't the only one.)

And then painting eggs? Oh, that'd been... it'd given him hope, it had, because Jack had looked at him, all soft and welcoming, his eyes warming from the blue of glacier pools to something more like an early spring sky, when the clouds had cleared away and the frost was still on the ground. But... well. Yeah.

It'd been obvious Jack hadn't been involved with Pitch destroying the eggs. Who knew the wanker better than one of his longest-running opponents? But the kids had walked through Aster, and words had never been his strong point, and he'd gone to wave at the wreck of the egg hunt, but his fists had been clenched because he couldn't stop shaking, and...

And then Jack had saved him. Them, but through him, his image. A snow-rabbit to restore belief in the Easter Bunny.

And... and they'd smiled at each other, so Jack couldn't _hate_ him, right?

Aster does not want to talk about Easter of 2012. He just wishes he could stop _thinking_ about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less funny than I was intending, but my choices were to either sum-up or rewrite the movie from Aster's 'trying to flirt' POV, so...


	4. Chapter Three - 2014

Hope was a bloody cruel mistress. Especially when it came to Jack Frost.

Aster would spend weeks convincing himself that the MASH game, played almost fifty years ago now, had not predicted his future and he was not destined to spend his life with Jack, in a romantic fashion. That, in fact, it had predicted a friend, if it had predicted anything. And they had a fair amount in common; they both shared a preference for orchestral music, for instance, whether it was Bach and Chopin, or something more modern, or even the music shows like Shen Yun. The musical tastes they didn't share, like Aster's preference for anything by an Aussie or Jack's strange liking for Nickelback, somehow lead to discussions on why they liked it, what they didn't like, and trying out new songs and then discussing them when they next met.

But then Jack would do something, like rescue a litter of kittens because "their mom must've been caught by something, animal control or a hawk or - and look at them, they're cold and hungry and I couldn't just _leave_ them" and he'd be as wet and bedraggled as the kittens, and he'd be giving the litter such a concerned look, and...

Well, Aster insisted the kittens be spayed and neutered, had whipped up a chemical mixture humans were some fifty years off from discovering for their own, and that was why he had seven cats in his Warren, now. He was fairly certain they were smarter than they were supposed to be, but that was probably just exposure to spirits.

Jack visited, often, to check on the cats. And Aster would have to convince himself that the MASH gods had predicted _friendship_ , because that was the only way they didn't get into arguments.

He did try. Oh, he tried. "Want any help brushing your hair?" he'd offer, but before he could do more than smile invitingly, Jack would snap and snarl and leave. Or he'd try gifts of food, but how was he supposed to know Jack didn't like chocolate? Just about everyone liked chocolate! And gifts of flowers were right out.

 His other friends were no help. North was... North, and no. Not for this. If Aster wanted advice on a fight, then North would probably be the first person he asked for help. Their fighting styles were similar enough, after all, though Aster preferred to avoid getting hit and North favoured shield-spells and blocking. Sandy was also out, although he'd try, he just... Well, all knowledge Sandy had on romance came from dime-store novels and movies he'd seen snippets of. Even Aster knew better than to rely on any of that for guidance.

So, Tooth. She liked other sheilas over blokes, but Aster preferred blokes over sheilas so it worked out. And she was easily distractible, but at least she wouldn't recommend gate crashing some spirit's fancy ball or costume party as a courtship method, nor flowery speeches.

She'd probably laugh, but he could handle that.

* * *

Tooth almost fell off her perch she was laughing so hard.

"It's not that funny," Aster protested.

She rebalanced, and looked down at him. Her perch was similar to a bird swing, though he'd be shaved bald before ever saying so. It made sense with her wings and tail, but it was still a little strange, to him.

But then, he preferred to be grounded. Tooth wasn't quite comfortable on the earth anymore. A swing suspended from the ceiling was probably better, for her.

"You adopted cats," she pointed out. "You don't even like cats."

"I like cats," Aster protested. "When they're not knocking over all the shit they can, coughing up hairballs, or licking their privies in front of me." Tooth smirked at him, and his ears fell back. "Yeah, I don't like cats, but where else could they go? North? A shelter? Not you, they'd harass your girls."

"My girls can take care of theirselves, but you're right, not me." Tooth kicked her legs back and forth in a slow, thoughtful rhythm. "So, other than cats...?"

"Music," Aster admitted. "He likes a lot of the same stuff." Tooth smirked, and he felt forced to continue. "Meals - we like the same things. Mostly veg and grains, only a bit of meat here and there."

"Well, farmers of the late sixteen hundreds," Tooth said lightly. "They didn't eat meat as much as some people think. Eggs?"

Oh, Jack just _loved_ eggs. He even ate century eggs without wincing, and Aster couldn't manage that. Instead of putting it all into words, though he just nodded, and sighed.

"He'll steal books from my library," he said. "The... the fun stuff, not the work stuff." Aster had been collecting escapist literature for ages, had restored the oldest scrolls and books and then copied them out when restoration stopped being practical. Jack currently only stole from the English and French cases, but he'd also started taking translation-dictionaries on what he obviously thought was the sly.

"Oooh, the same stuff you like?" Tooth asked. "Wow. That's quite a bit in common. Do you spar?"

No, nope, not going there. Aster scowled, and smoothed down his hackles. "I want to... make nice with the guy, not have him hate my guts."

"You're as bad as North."

"At sparring," he agreed. 'Holding back' wasn't something he'd ever learnt to do... or if he had, he'd forgotten somewhere in the war with fearlings. Fighting with boomerangs was better. Nothing like Pookan weapons, and keeping track of them helped him stay... current.

Flashbacks were only fun if they were about _good_ things.

"Anything else?" Tooth prompted, slipping off her swing and falling six feet before catching herself. Aster hoped his momentary heart attack didn't show on his face. "Because having a great deal in common doesn't usually lead to brushing someone's hair, does it?"

He turned away, and moved over to the window. If he stared out instead of down, he could at least try to pretend he wasn't up high. "Well... it's... foolish."

"If it's affecting you this strongly, it's really not." Tooth reached out; he could feel the warmth of her hand, just shy of pressing against his shoulder. "I could take a look, if words are hard...?"

Had she offered Jack that option, yet? Aster sighed, and leaned back into the contact.

Akasha Serca. His parents. The MASH game, falling on everything that was already in his life and one thing that wasn't. The way the sun glittered off Jack's hair and the smirk he got when he was being mischievous. Catching Jack curled up in one of the library chairs, a cat in his lap and one of Aster's favourite books in hand - Night Watch with Sam Vimes, time travel, and hope and decency triumphant. The way Jack had spluttered when Aster caught him, eyes wide and cheeks flushing pink before covering over with frost.

Aster didn't know if Tooth picked up the way Aster's chest felt warm and tight around Jack these days, or the way he'd started classifying Jack's smirks. She probably didn't get the way he'd been so confused when the MASH game produced its results. He hoped she didn't pick up the way his thoughts turned to ways Jack might look without his clothes, sprawled out in Aster's nest.

"Oh, Bunny," Tooth said, and pulled away. She stroked the back of his neck twice, and then shifted to hover beside him. "You've got it bad."

"I didn't mean to." If he leaned against the wall, he could look at Tooth and didn't have to look out the window. "I thought... just give it a chance for friendship, right? But then... well."

Tooth's smile was as fond as it was exasperated. "You really need to stop letting aesthetics decide who you want to cuddle."

"Oy!" There was nothing wrong with wanting to cuddle nice-looking people. Even if it meant breaking into pet stores and curling up with the pet rabbits. "Didn't hear you complaining."

"I was drunk and woke up half a planet away from home."

Aster huffed, and looked out the window instead of answering. Tooth laughed, and hugged him around the shoulder.

"No, it's fine... but Bunny?"

Aster raised his eyebrows. "Yeah?"

Tooth took him by the shoulders, and stared. "Alien games of MASH deciding peoples' futures? _Really_?"

"When you say it like that..." he grumbled, blush turning his nose red.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bunny secretly loves the cats, but they give him something nice and safe to grumble about, and also Jack visits the kitties all the time. And Bunny can hardly complain about that, now can he?
> 
> Also, Tooth now knows. Worry about that, Bunny.


	5. Interlude - 2016

Tooth settled down to perch beside Jack, the wooden beam faintly dusty underfoot. North cleaned, frequently, both with spells and manual labour, but the Workshop was a big place, and the exposed ceiling beams hard to reach.

Unless, of course, one could fly.

"Jack?" she asked, careful not to lean too close. The winter spirit was still quite wide-eyed, fingers twitching against his knees and staff. If that alone was not enough - though, of course, it was - than Bunny's narrow-eyed glare tipped the balance to 'distance'.

The winter spirit jumped, the narrow space he'd wedged himself into frosting over from his shock. "T-Tooth. Uh." He couldn't seem to look at her, gaze flicking back and forth, until finally settling on the worried Pooka down below. Tooth didn't smile at that, though she was pleased. It was little enough, but spirits lived a long time, and Guardians longer.

For now, it was enough that there was someone Jack could look to, when things got overwhelming.

"How are your ribs?" Tooth asked, in lieu of something more generic. Specifics, that was the key, she just knew it.

"Fine."

Then again, maybe not.

"Jack." Tooth edged a careful inch closer. Jack looked up, away from Bunny, and stared at Tooth. He didn't look like the carefree trickster who skipped into and out of their lives, dropping chaos in their laps like a confusing gift. He didn't look like the sarcastic, quip-making magical powerhouse that could blanket half a continent in snow overnight. In summer.

No, it broke her heart, but Jack looked like a frightened child, one who knew he couldn't hide from the monsters but was making a valiant effort all the same.

"Is it always like that?" he asked, hunched over his bent knees, back pressed against the underside of the workshop roof. Ribs cracked, possibly broken, left wrist bruised black and blue, with the eyes of a frightened child and the caged fury of a storm.

Tooth pretended to misunderstand. "Sometimes the fighting gets into the cities. Like with Pitch."

"No, I -" Jack glanced down towards Bunny, and bit his lip. Tooth waited. "Inside. When I -" He stopped again, and shook his head.

Tooth offered her hand, but Jack ignored it. He knew, of course, she'd explained back when he'd first visited her at her palace. He'd been so frustrated he couldn't speak, spitting fragments of words, so of course she'd offered.

He hadn't taken her up on it. That was alright, it had taken the others time to get used to the idea as well.

Still, the offer seemed to help. The option, at least. Jack took a deep breath, wincing only slightly at the strain on his ribs. "I enjoyed it," he said, nearly toneless. "The fighting."

"Is that a bad thing?" Tooth asked, with calculated confusion. "You are good at what you do. Why shouldn't you be proud of your ability?"

It shouldn't have felt like a triumph. Yet when Jack slammed his fist against the wood underfoot and it iced over, she couldn't be anything but pleased. A reaction. _Finally_.

"I froze him alive!"

Tooth was aware, distantly, of the Workshop bustle dying off. Jack hadn't kept quiet in his outburst. Tooth kept her breathing even, wings still, even though the ice underfoot was colder than it should have been. Yes, they were in the arctic, but she was a spirit, with certain resistances. She flew uncovered through a Moscow blizzard, collected teeth from the very few children living in the Antarctica research station. The ice shouldn't bite at her toes like that; but it was Jack's, and Jack was more powerful than anyone had first imagined.

That was the problem, of course. For everyone. When Jack had been without believers, he had been a heavyweight contender tiptoeing through the world, trying to avoid notice and running from fights. Now that he was a Guardian, with a growing belief base...

At some point, she would have to direct Jack to Bunny, to talk about these things. Bunny knew what it was like to - seemingly - gain in magical strength and ability overnight. To have self-imposed restraints snapped like the strings they were. Tooth, for all her skill, hadn't had that; for her it had been gradual, a new gift there, another sword-dance mastered there. North, too, moving from step to step, never noticing the increased difficulty because the difficulty grew in pace with his skills.

And Sandy, of course, had always been what he was. Perhaps, now, he was actually less in a way; shooting star to one grounded, forever after to live on Earth and not out in the cosmos.

"He was going to stab Bunny in the back," Tooth said, as calm as Jack wasn't. "What else could you have done?"

Jack mouthed wordlessly for a moment, before the fight - and the fear - went out of him. For now. "Nothing, I guess."

Tooth adjusted her wings, just enough to get his attention. "Yes," she said, finally answering his question. "Sometimes, a lot of times, our fights are like this. Not as frequent," she said, thinking over the most recent battles. Most of them hadn't needed all five of them, but fighting together was a good way to bond, so why not? "But that sense of... euphoria, and horror, and everything becoming so simple you could cry from the relief?" Kill, or be killed. Protect, and accept protection. Taking that step, making that blow, that left you wide open for retaliation and not thinking about it, because someone else would cover you.

"It's wonderful, and terrible, and when it's over you stop and realize that you did that. You laughed when you stabbed this man and you could have burst into song when you cut the other one open. Or, well." Tooth faltered. "The singing might be just me. But yes. We all have that, buried inside. It's very... human."

Jack stared at her, no longer with the gaze of a frightened child, but that of a wary adult. Not speaking, he flicked his gaze down at Bunny, and then back up, a question in his eyes.

Tooth nodded, slow and deliberate. Even Bunny. He fought like a grim old soldier, most of the time, but it was there in his eyes.

"If we're... protecting," Jack said, feeling the words as he spoke them. "Does that... does that make it okay?"

Of course he'd ask that. Like she knew. "If we didn't..." Tooth sighed, and dropped off the rafter, wings beating madly to stop her descent. "Come on, Jack. Let's take a look at those ribs and that wrist. They can't be comfortable."

Jack huffed, and wiggled out of the corner. He dropped down, without his usual grace, and then eased down onto the floor. Bunny had Jack on the couch and his sweater off before the poor winter spirit knew what was happening, but he submitted to their nominal medic with good grace.

Pity their nominal medic was lacking his. Bunny fumbled with the bandages, the numbing salves, his words as he talked Jack through how to wrap his ribs and wrist later. Jack kept giving Bunny wary looks, like he suspected a concussion, but Tooth knew to blame that bare chest and all that pale skin.

She supposed it looked nice. If you liked that sort of thing.

At least Bunny's fumbling finished off the last of Jack's... quite reasonable fear of himself, honestly. Seasonal spirits. Even when they weren't Guardian-level powerful, they were terrifying. When they were... only another seasonal of equal power, or Mother Nature herself, could stop them.

Tooth made a mental note to shove Jack in Bunny's direction soon, and went scouting for the party supplies.

North brought over the food, and Sandy played bartender this time. Jack, sprained wrist and cracked ribs, sat on the couch and looked pretty. Tooth settled on the back of a chair, a pad of paper and pen in hand. Bunny had been going for the food with two empty plates, but stopped when he caught the sight of Tooth's supplies.

"No."

Tooth smiled, aware of everyone's reactions. "Don't you like playing MASH, Bunny?"

"MASH?" Jack sat up, eyebrows halfway to his hairline in surprise. "You guys play that?"

To cackle, or not to cackle, that was the question... Tooth split the difference and chuckled instead. "Once or twice. Have you ever...?"

Jack's smile didn't fade. "No, but I saw the kids play it, a few years back." A few years, possibly a few decades. Sandy had better awareness of time passing than Jack did, and he spent most of his time asleep. "How do you play it? I mean, typical mansion, apartment, shack, house...?"

North snickered, and began pilling Bunny's plates with goodies. Tooth refrained from comment, even though half of that would be sure to rot teeth and the other half would make the boys sick from the sugar.

"We can get more creative than that," North said. "Would you like to play? Tooth can predict your future first."

"Oh." Jack grinned, a faint hint of pink colouring his cheeks. "I - yeah? That sounds like fun."

"Good, because I was going to anyways." Tooth sketched out the box, and smiled at Bunny when he sat down beside Jack. "Let's start with where you'll live, hm?"

Sandy drifted over while she filled everything out. Jack kept snickering at Bunny's translations of Sandy's images. Apparently the idea of living in an abandoned school bus - that flew - was funny.

_You're up to something,_ the Sandman 'said', his images suspicious but good natured.

Tooth smirked, and tapped the end of her pen against her lips. "Jack," she said, "should I put down men or women for your partner?"

"I - oh. I don't... know anyone?"

"That's fine... Oh, I know! How do you feel about the Leprechaun?"

Jack blinked up at her. "He's an asshole?"

North promptly spit out his drink. "Jack!"

"Well! He's a lying liar who lies like a rope on the ground! Keeps saying he's king of the green isles, and that he's responsible for rainbows, and I've _met_ the Irish king-guy! King-guy's like... North's height. Leprechaun's Sandy's height." Jack paused, and then poked Bunny in the ribs. "You can stop snickering now."

"Do I wanta know how you met Fiacha mac Delbaíth? Or how you got away alive?" Bunny pointed at Sandy, who was nodding frantically. "Actually, I don't think we wanta."

"Dork. I threw a snowball at his face and hid in the cloud cover."

Tooth cleared her throat. "Right, let's put down Fio - Fian... Um. Irish King, then."

North wrinkled his nose. "Too many Irish. You should offer Jack the chance to end up with strong, smart Russian. That is not me. Too awkward."

"Sure thing, Junior," Jack quipped. "What's his name, Ivan the clever, put him."

Sandy danced a hooded and cloaked figure holding a scythe around, smirking.

"So what if he's dead, Tooth can still put him down."

Tooth did, and then wrote a final name before anyone could make any other suggestions. "Bunny," she said.

"Wot?" Then it clicked. Bunny's eyes widened. "Wait, me?"

Jack looked from Bunny to Tooth and back again, eyebrows furrowed. Tooth pretended not to notice. "Why not? Jack should have at least one person in his options who isn't delusional, dead, or wants to hurt him."

"Oh, but," Bunny stuttered, and then stopped. "Okay."

Jack squinted at Bunny. "That was weird."

North picked up a bottle of vodka, and shrugged. "You have no idea. What now, jobs?"

"Blacksmith," Tooth muttered. "Cowboy. Professional snowman. Um..."

"Cat herder," Jack said, and sighed. "Clouds are about as wilful, anyways."

"Professional cat herder."

Tooth made everyone laugh - everyone but Bunny - when she put down 'North's elves, Tooth's fairies, Bunny's eggs, and ducks' down as potential pets. And then she pointed at Jack, smirking. "Tell me when."

After eight marks, Jack cracked and called when. Tooth laughed, and looked up at Sandy. The Sandman just shook his head, a faint smile in place. She hadn't been marking off the tick marks nearly as fast as she could have. Obviously she was up to something.

"Alright," she said, and began counting and crossing out options. She knew what Jack would end up with, of course, had planned it out, but it was good to put on a bit of a show.

"There. Jack, you will do the following." Jack promptly put down a half-eaten cookie and sat up. "You will live in the Warren, with Bunny - lucky, I've had his cooking. You'll work as a professional cat herder, and you'll have egg-golems as pets."

Jack snorted, and held one hand out. "No way. I gotta see that."

Tooth handed over the paper. Bunny was staring at her, but she just looked back at him, deceptively innocent. Why no, there was no plotting over here, why did you ask?

The pad of paper made its rounds, and Bunny's suspicion eased, at least until it was his turn. Sandy had the paper, writing down the suggestions. Tooth called time, and they rounded down the seventy-two marks to eleven.

"Warren, egg golems, Easter Bunny, and Jack Frost," North read off, and snorted. "Same as last time."

Bunny's nose and ears were bright pink. And Jack, Tooth was pleased to see, was staring at Bunny, eyes narrowed in thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, not entirely sure who they were fighting either, but a child eater of some kind. That managed to put up more of a fight than normal.  
> And nooooo there's nothing to be thinking about, Jack, nothing about Bunny and previous MASH results...  
> (Also, this chapter wasn't supposed to start off like this! It was supposed to be Jack hiding away from a medically minded yeti, not... uh, yeah.)


	6. Chapter Four - 2018

"Come to the circus with me."

Jack paused, a little like a ballet dancer holding a pose, one leg in the air and everything. "What?" he asked, turning to look at - of course - Bunny.

Bunny, who was much, much weirder than the egg obsession had led Jack to believe.

"The..." Bunny frowned, and shook his head. "Circus is the wrong word. Carnival."

Yeah, no ballet pose for this conversation, he had a feeling this was going to take a while. He settled down on both feet, heels touching the ground and everything. "You want to go to New Orleans?" Which, yeah, nice place, even if every whatever-the-respectful-term-for-Voodoo-priestess-was could actual-facts see him. And offered relationship advice, which was weird because he wasn't actually in a relationship.

"What? No! It's muggy right now." Bunny switched to his second expression, the default scowl. "Where'd you get New Orleans from?"

"Carnival. It's in New Orleans."

Jack waited while Bunny processed that. His friend was a great guy, had to be said, Jack would happily put his life and liver in Bunny's hands. But the space-rabbit's social skills were even worse than Jack's, with a side of _who gives a fuck about modern place names, they'll all be different in a century anyways. And how do you not know about the thing at that place, it's a national landmark!_

"No," Bunny said, sounding - well, sounding put upon and annoyed at the world, as per usual. Jack grinned. "No, not New Orleans. We're not talking back of bourke, Frostbite, big city."

Jack rolled his eyes, and then blinked. "Voodoo Queen!" He flushed at Bunny's expression. "Sorry, was wondering - and New Orleans isn't middle of nowhere, you crazy person. Okay, so not circus, not carnival...?"

"It's an island."

"I am not going to the tropics."

Jack bantered with Bunny a bit more, amused as ever by the Pooka's mounting frustration with place names. It was probably wrong to feel this way, especially considering North's pet theory and all. But Bunny got so aggravated, eyes narrowed and lip curling to show off his blunt teeth, and his fur all fluffed up...

It was like being menaced by a chinchilla or something. And hey, the Easter Bunny was _supposed_ to be adorable.

"Rides, games, New York..." Jack blinked. "Coney Island's closed for the winter, Thumper."

Bunny smirked, and attempted to saunter closer to Jack. "Rides are, sure," he said, and waggled his eyebrows. "Games work just fine. Buncha the local spirits run the place for our types."

Trickster spirits, he just bet, considering those games were rigged. Which was part of the fun, of course, besting not just the odds you knew about, but the odds you didn't. "Well," he said, pretending to think about it. Coney Island! He hadn't realized it was open for spirits during the winter; if he'd known before, he'd have moved right in. Sure, half the fun were the sideshows and the rides, but the other half would be running around winning all the prizes.

"You've been complaining it's been too warm this winter, anyways," Bunny said, moving closer. He looked weird, probably because Jack had never seen him try to look _sly_ before. "It'll be warm enough I won't freeze."

"It's on the ocean, Fuzz-brain," Jack countered. "Tell you what. Get a coat so I don't have to listen to you complaining, and I'll go with you."

Bunny huffed, but tapped his foot. Jack dropped down into the tunnel, and looked around once he'd hit the bottom. The tunnels changed every time he entered them, at times narrow and winding and perfect for hurtling through at full speed, only the wind and his own athletics keeping him from splattering against a wall. Other times, like now, the tunnels were big enough to shame the New York subway system, and so light and airy he might as well have been outside.

He tagged along after Bunny while the overgrown rabbit got a bright green coat out of what looked like storage. Jack kept his attention, and his gaze, firmly on Bunny's furry, broad shoulders. Sure, he was welcome enough in the Warren, but that could easily be revoked if Bunny thought he was 'snooping'. Looking around the area where Bunny clearly did most of his day-to-day living probably wasn't poking his nose where it wasn't wanted, but why take chances?

Jack smirked at Bunny when they hopped out of another tunnel at Coney Island. Bunny immediately yelped and all but dove into his coat, calming down only when the buttons were done up to the dark red collar. It was a very gaudy coat, actually.

He had to steal it.

Borrow. He meant borrow. Totally borrow.

"So," Jack said, and looked around. The spot they'd come out on wasn't along the - what'd they call it, the fair ground? Promenade? - but close enough he could see the drifts and swirls of spirits moving up and down the games section. "Do we get anything if we win?"

"Shiny trinkets?" Bunny said, as if he wasn't sure.

Jack grinned at him. "Let's go win all the things."

* * *

Jack backed a little further away from the fist fight, and looked over at the Rusalka running the balloon-pop. "You really call security on people winning all the things?" he asked.

The Rusalka looked back, her expression pure, exasperated New York. "We do when we catch you cheating."

Wow. That double standard was horrific. "Technically speaking," Jack said, and sidestepped a thrown shoe. "Technically, I don't control the wind. She does whatever she wants."

"Nice try. Have a lollipop."

It was cherry. And delicious. Jack accepted it, and stepped forward when the three hulking, bleeding trolls had finally subdued Bunny. "Come on, Cottontail," he said, amused beyond even his own belief. "Let's go before you fight anyone else."

Bunny growled at one of the trolls, and wrenched his arm free from the other. "Alright," he grumbled. "Fine."

Jack sauntered towards the exit, Bunny stalking behind him like the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog given thumbs and the ability to mutter vile, insulting epithets in English. Or Australian, which was very much not the same thing, no matter what Bunny claimed.

The trolls escorted them the entire way.

Once the two of them had crossed over from the official games-and-fun to Coney Island - what was that, beach grass? And beach - the trolls went back to whatever they'd been doing before getting called over. Jack turned to Bunny, who was dabbing at his bleeding nose with a handkerchief like some dandy.

His blood was purple. Bright purple. Not the weirdest shade Jack had ever seen, just different.

"Y'know, Cottontail, if you didn't like the prizes you didn't have to get in so many fights."

Bunny looked shocked. "That wasn't it at all."

Sure it wasn't. Jack darted forward and ruffled the fur between Bunny's ears, and then jumped up out of grabbing distance. "You're a riot, Foo-foo," he said, and grinned at Bunny's expression. Default one, pure disgruntlement. "Next time you want to get in a running fight, let me know. You don't need to make up excuses, okay?"

"Oh." Bunny smiled, but it was half-hearted and wan. Oooooor that was honestly the best he could do. Jack had yet to see any other kind of smile on the guy's face, so it could be either. "Yeah, I'll keep that in mind."

Jack hovered, while Bunny dropped away into a rabbit hole.

And then he turned to the east. Maybe he'd better talk to Tooth. Things had gotten a little weird there. It was probably untrustworthy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's been forever since I've posted a chapter on this, but honestly writing the date was... well, it didn't, is what happened. So I finally cut my losses and cut the many, many fistfights Bunny got into (or just one, since it never exactly stopped, though his opponents kept changing) and what you've got is the end result. -huffs- And for the record, Bunny punched anyone who made a rude comment about Jack. Jack, having only human hearing, has no clue that's what turned Bunny so punchy.


	7. Chapter Five - 2020

Jack metaphorically stormed through the Workshop, the literal storm staying outside. Hail battered the walls, the wind shook the eaves, and snow was piling up faster than the elves could flamethrower it away. He got a few annoyed looks from the yeti, but only until they recognized his expression and _got out of his way_.

As a result, he made it all the way to North's office without being bothered. He slammed the door open. Stepped inside. Slammed the door closed.

He stared at the closed door, then yanked it open and slammed it again. There. Better.

"Having fun?" North asked, sounding no more than mildly curious.

"That - that -!" Jack spun on North with a scowl. "That hugger-mugger! I outa give him a blinker next time he doesn't shut his bone box!"

North leaned back in  his chair. "You know," he said, switching from curious to thoughtful. "I have studied the English for well on one hundred and fifty years now. And I still did not understand that."

Jack bit back the angry words that threatened to spew out, and breathed in. And out. Several times. Because the other option was to scream at North, who didn't deserve it. "Bunny's a jerk."

"What happened?"

Well yay, no automatic protest. Jack threw himself down onto the air, like it was a couch. He floated away from the door, ankles crossed and staff dangling from one elbow. "I was talking to some people and then he showed up and tried to drag me away. And then he said I couldn't take care of myself."

Not in so many words, sure, but " _Jack, these people are_ dangerous" generally meant "they are more dangerous than you, you should come with me where it's safe". Jerk.

North sighed, and picked up a block of ice. Had to be magic, since it didn't look like it was melting. "Dare I ask who you were talking to?"

"Couple Unseleighe types. There were only three of them."

"Unseleighe are the ones who like eating people, yes?"

"Sometimes." Sometimes they just liked killing people. Though so did the Seleighe. Red Caps belonged to the _Summer_ Court, after all. "Anyways, we were just talking. Not like they were going to try anything."

The Unseleighe twits had been griping about _Those Summer Bastards_ , a refrain that'd been old when Jack had first heard it, a little over two centuries ago. The leaves were too green. The sun was too bright. The Seleighe were too sparkly. Yadda yadda and blah blah blah. He'd been about ready to give up on their ignoring him - better to pelt them with snowballs, Unseleighe had the best reactions, all shrieky and flaily - when Bunny had shown up.

And then Bunny had done a stupid, got within _grabbing reach_ because he just _had_ to stand between Jack and the twits, and it had gone downhill from there.

Jack huffed, and twisted so he could properly look at North, elbow braced against nothing. "I was out of their reach and their mind twisty powers don't work on me. He's the one who got too close and got swiped."

Barely scratched, Jack had yanked hard enough to get him mostly away, and then the Unseleighe had scampered when they'd caught his expression. Upside, no one had been around to hear the argument.

Downside, there'd been an argument.

North picked up a knife, the blade barely longer than the first joint of his thumb, and started carving the ice. "So he protected you."

"I didn't need it." Jack clenched his teeth, the wind outside grabbing at the shutters and rattling them. "I can take care of myself."

His Russian companion looked ready to start beating his head against the desk. Or beating Jack's head against the desk. Well, tough, despite what everyone thought he couldn't control the weather.

It mimicked his emotions, sure, but that wasn't the same as _controlling_ it.

"Bunny is very protective. Should not have to tell you this. He thinks very little of his own safety. Should not have to tell you _that_ , either."

Jack flicked his fingers, and frost crawled over the ice North was carving. The toymaker looked disappointed in Jack's life choices, and set the block aside. "I know he's a dumbass, he just didn't need to be a dumbass in that particular moment. And he's a dumbass who isn't allowed to yell at me for talking to a couple Unseleighe because I took safety precautions!"

North sighed, and adopted his 'peacemaker' tone of voice. He wasn't very good at it, he hit monotone just a little too much, but his heart was in the right place. Although, apparently North had that Situs inversus thing, so technically, compared to the majority of the human population, it was in the wrong place... thus the monotone.

"Was it the protection that upset you, or Bunny putting himself in danger?" North asked.

Jack flicked his thumb in North's direction, and glared out the window. "Second." Dumbass wasn't a strong enough word. Bunny had - Jack had been fine, all Bunny needed to do was call his name and Jack would've abandoned the idiots in a heartbeat. Heck, at this point, Bunny could snap his fingers and give Jack a smirky _look_ , and Jack would teleport to Bunny's bed -

_Wait_.

**_What?_ **

Jack choked on thin air, and doubled over, coughing. Teleport, Bunny's bed, what - when had - what even -

"Are you dying?" North asked. Something clinked. "I can fix that."

"No!" Why was North holding a sword? Never mind, Jack did not want to know. At least he'd caught his breath. "I'm fine. Put that away. Down. Blood knight tendencies bad." Jack rubbed his forehead, and checked the weather. The storm had died away, sort of. It was still snowing heavily, and gusting like mad, but the wind didn't seem to know which way to blow from.

Well, he was very confused, after all, and not exactly _angry_ anymore...

"I have to go." Now. Somewhere not here. Opposite of here. Bermuda Triangle was probably quite nice this time of year. Not that he could remember what time of year it was, but leaving! Leaving was good!

"Jack wait -!" Anything else was buried in shrill whistles as Jack wrenched the window open. Snow gusted in, Jack leapt out, and the window slammed shut behind him.

* * *

The Bermuda Triangle was _not_ nice this time of year, so Jack had gone for the old fallback and gone back up to Alaska. Good old Denali mountain, once known un-fondly as Mt McKinley, didn't have anywhere near the number of insane climbers as Everest did. Besides, geologists kept switching between what mountain was the tallest, depending on height above sea level or height from base to top. Denali was definitely tallest _somewhere_ on that ever-changing list, and he liked the ones that got ignored for a flashier, more murdery cousin.

Or something like that.

"I am personifying mountains. That don't even have... personalities." Jack slumped back against the snow - okay, slush, it was kind of warm even above the snow-line - and groaned. Some mountains had spirits the way trees had dryads, but, like trees, not every mountain had a spirit. Everest didn't have one, that Jack knew about. Good thing too. No one even retrieved the corpses from that place. Any Everest-spirit would probably be something like Cannibal-Hannibal. Only with more enthusiasm, and probably an ice spirit if not a winter spirit.

Denali might've had a spirit once, before the brief name-change maybe, but at the moment, no. Which was a good thing, mountain-spirits might be welcoming (or murdery) but every time he set foot on an inhabited mountain there was always this awareness that he was stomping all over their actual body and the human-like person he was talking to was just a hologram.

His comparisons might've gotten easier after Star Trek became a thing. Before that, it'd been a lot harder to verbalize.

Jack groaned again, rolled over, and tried to smother himself in the slush.

It might've worked better if he hadn't been trying to use his own element as the murder weapon.

After a few minutes of futility, he rolled over again - and almost started a tumble down the mountain, prevented only by the ability to fly - and sat up. Okay, enough moaning and groaning, time to sit down and think about things.

Or pace and think about things. Self-diagnosing for one of the many hyperactivity disorders was harder when one didn't have reliable access to a computer, but he _did_ have trouble staying still...

"No, nope, no tangents. Thinking." Jack folded his arms and almost beaned himself with his staff. Thinking and pacing. "What the hell, self, you don't wanna sleep with Bunny. He's Bunny! He's a grumpy, judgmental asshole with no sense of boundaries."

He turned and began walking back the other way. "Except you do wanna, because he's tall, and has shoulders, and that smirk, and that thing he does with his eyebrows, and why can't I be a sane person and go for the cliche bad boy villain? I can beat the villain with an anvil when he gets handsy, but Bunny? Be like kicking a puppy!"

Turn. "But then he goes and yells at me for stuff not my fault or stuff I've already got handled, and small doesn't mean incapable. So that's a no on the sexy-times front." Turn. "On the other hand, the looming protective grumbly thing? Apparently, my motor is running and out of coolant. What did I just say?"

He paused to rap his knuckles against his forehead. Car metaphors. What even. "Okay. Okay. Okay. C'mon Jack, in the wise words of your father, what do you do now?"

Well, discounting the fact his dad had never given him advice on what to do if the person he was attracted to was male, taller than him, or furry... The bottom dropped out of Jack's stomach. "Oh, shit."

Who could possibly stand in for a member of Bunny's family? No one was old enough!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It lives. IT LIIIIIIIIIIVES!
> 
> But no seriously, this is why I like pre-writing a number of chapters before posting (and why Wolfy is taking too long, along with that lovely Soldat Jack story I've got going on...) When I hit a wall in the inspiration lane, no one gets chapters. Sorry about the wait, I'm hoping the next one's faster. And the epilogue after that. (The five-plus-one fic has turned into a probable eight chapter length, I imagine no one's complaining.)


	8. Chapter Six - 2020

COFFEE WAS GOD. ESPRESSO WAS BETTER!

Jack bounded from branch to railing to patio, startling a quartet of fauns and another quartet of nymphs, doing what fauns and nymphs did best. He grinned at them, or grimaced maybe, and headed into the party.

He wasn't even sure whose party this was, or why he had to be there. Tooth had caught hold of him somewhere around coffee seventeen, espresso two, and told him to be there or be dead. He had no desire to be dead, so... here he was. Rather unhappily.

Shit, was it Valentine's day or something? Was this Cupid's place?

The large number of couples and stylized hearts said yes, yes it was. Sucks to be you, Jack.

Several people moved away from him, either the spreading circle of frost following his footsteps, or the low growling sound he was making as he walked. Hard to tell. Couples. That was just - just perfect! Just...

Maybe Espresso seven had been a mistake, but sleep was for the weak and Sandy wasn't being a good friend. A pinch or two of dreamsand, and Jack would have some lovely dreams, snowball fights and sledding and teaching kids how to ice skate, sharing mugs of hot apple cider with Bunny and learning how to bake Bunny's special gingerbread in Bunny's kitchen. He was pretty sure the yellow, frilly apron with "kiss the cook" embroidered across the chest was entirely fantasy-land, but the mental image was so cute he didn't really care.

Unfortunately, Sandy's dreamsand appeared to be _avoiding_ Jack. So those happy, fluffy dreams were the idle fantasies of an awake mind, being right and proper and keeping everything to a G rating. He hadn't gotten Sandy's permission to court Bunny, first of all, and second, Bunny hadn't given him permission to court Bunny. It'd be improper - _wrong_ , even! - to think about Bunny in any PG+ sort of way without both those permissions. Even then, thinking beyond kissing at the start of a courtship? No. No, nope, bad Jack. Permanent post on the Naughty List for life.

The coffee and espresso helped keep him awake. Because, what with the dreamsand avoiding him, his brain was tossing good manners out the proverbial window with the proverbial trash every time he took a nap. And his dreams were heading quickly for R territory, even M for mature. And that was wrong.

Jack paused, and looked around. Right, party, party... Sandy had to be here, right? Then he could get permission one out of the way, find Bunny, ask for permission two...

There, a plan. One that didn't involve... why was there mistletoe hanging from the rafters?

Jack stared up at the taunting bits of greenery and wished, not for the first time but certainly the most serious time, that he could set things on fire with his mind.

"Hey gorgeous." Thin arms settled around his shoulders. Jack continued to glare up at the mistletoe. "How's about a kiss, then?"

Jack lowered his glare to the what-the-fuck-was-it leaning in for a smooch. The frost circling his feet crackled over the other spirit's feet. And the other spirit backed off. Good. Though, Jack figured, it wasn't his power level driving the other person off, it was the sheer audacity at threatening an attack during a party.

"Don't touch me," he said, and walked away. Sandy. He had to find Sandy.

An hour, maybe two - maybe one and a half, time was being funny what with the lack of sleep the past week and all - and he could not find Sandy.

And people kept talking to him. And touching him. Because mistletoe had been hung up in the wrong time zone. Season. That thing.

Jack was going to _punch_ the next person to talk to him.

"Jack! There you are. Have you been over here all this time?"

As it turned out, he didn't punch the person talking to him. Instead, Jack turned around and snarled, "Suck my dick!"

In his defence, it'd made sense at the time.

Bunny stared at him. The Pooka's mouth had dropped open, one hand raised as if to tap Jack on the shoulder. He looked nice. Fur brushed, a green vest with gold embroidery around the edges, gold, egg-shaped buttons marching in a line from Bunny's throat to his navel.

Jack flushed. Why'd he say that?

Bunny was staring at him.

Shit, why'd he _say_ that?

Bunny's eyes were narrowed. He closed his mouth, lips pressed into a thin line, almost invisible under the fur.

_Why_ had he _said that_?

The Pooka's fur was bristled. He seemed to grow another inch taller, two inches wider. He took a deep breath.

He'd said _that_ to _Bunny_ , oh god, _why_?

"I'M TRYING!"

... What?

Jack blinked. "What?" he asked. Bunny grabbed him by the sweater, and yanked him up and forwards, until he was nearly nose to nose with the angry Pooka.

"I am _trying_ and you are being so _difficult_." Bunny shook Jack, very slightly, and then continued on. "With your stupid hair and your stupid eyes and your toes, fuck, and I've been trying but what do I have to do, put up a sign? I've been putting up signs! Taking you to Coney Island and trying to get you prizes and you get angry when I try brushing your hair! I took in your cats! Your cats are my cats! You never noticed!"

Jack blinked. That sounded a lot like -

"And then," Bunny hissed, right before slumping over. "You - you started avoiding me. Why... did I do something wrong? I know I've mucked up with the flirting, Jack, I just... What'd I do, mate?"

That sounded _a lot_ like Bunny had been trying to _court_ him.

... Oh.

Jack, with the clarity of many, many cups of coffee and espressos, not to mention too many hours awake, remembered... quite a few things, really. That, in hind sight, suggested that... yes. Bunny had been trying - really hard! - to court him. Flirt with him. Even - Easter Sunday of '68 hadn't been that bad, really, Jack had just - oh.

"Oh."

"Is that all you have to say for yourself?" Bunny roared, lifting Jack that final inch so he dangled from Bunny's fist.

"I - no. No? I have stuff. Like, you're really hot right now? I mean, all the time, but right now you're kinda angry-fluffing and it's really, you know?" Jack grinned at Bunny's expression, two parts anger to three parts confusion, with a side dish of 'what's even going on right now?' "I, uh, yeah. Hey, are you okay with me courting you?"

Bunny set him back down, and cradled his head in his hands. "Jack," he moaned, ears flat and whiskers drooping. "Jack... Jack. Mate. I have been... I have been _trying_ to court you... for centuries. _Centuries_. I - _yes_ , I'm okay with it, I - _skip_ the fucking courtship, you idiot, I wa- _urmph_!"

Jack hummed against Bunny's mouth. It was an awkward kiss, noses banged into each other and teeth hard against his lip and surprise made the Pooka stagger so Jack had to wrap his legs around Bunny's waist - but it was also amazing, wonderful, and somewhere there was a choir of angels with harps and seriously, fuck Cupid, he had the worst parties ever.

He pulled back, chest heaving because what was breathing? "Ditch the party. Kiss me." He paused, and then added, "And then nap, because I haven't slept in two weeks."

Bunny sighed, and tilted his head to press his forehead against Jack's shoulder. "You're an idiot," he said, sounding rather mournful. "Why am I courting you again?"

"I'm very pretty," Jack said, the picture of seriousness. He kissed Bunny's ear. "And you want to kiss me again."

Bunny smirked. "Yeah. Reckon I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's one final chapter, the epilogue, yet to go. God knows when it'll be posted.
> 
> This is why everything else is going so slowly, guys, I want stuff pre-written so I don't have huge gaps in the posting schedule. Sorry.


	9. Epilogue - 2020

"Wait." Aster didn't look up from the book he was reading. Jack would continue without any encouragement.

"Wait. So, you're telling me... I caught your eye because Tooth cheated at MASH?"

At that, he did look up. Jack had a cat draped over his shoulders, another sprawled out in his lap, and the most adorably confused expression yet. "No, you caught my eye because Tooth pointed me your way with that MASH game. You'd have still caught my eye without it. I might've been better at the flirting, though," he allowed. Although, he _had_ ended up with Jack, after all. Just like it would've happened if it'd been a right and proper Rite of Akasha Serca...

At any rate, without that nebulous destiny hanging over his head, he likely would've done a better job of things. A little less tongue-tied.

Maybe.

Jack chuckled, and set the cats aside. "So what you're saying is, Tooth moved up the timeline a decade or two?"

"I'd have met you in '68, one way or other." Aster watched Jack cross the short distance between them, and didn't move when the winter spirit sat down on his lap. Not that a lapful of Jack was a bad thing, necessarily, but he'd been reading that book...

Jack pecked Aster's nose, lips cool and dry. "Yeah, that's true. Wonder how that'd have gone, with your fail flirting... Hey, question."

"Answer." If he had to answer questions, he might as well shift Jack so that bony arse wasn't making his leg go numb... And if it tilted Jack forwards and against Aster's chest, well, such was physics. And biology.

"Does Tooth have a crush on anyone? I know how to cheat at MASH. Turnabout is fair play."

Aster grinned. "Don't tempt me."

"Oh." Jack looped his arms around Aster's neck. His eyes were hooded, his lips in a smug little curve. "I think I can tempt you. And, in fact, will. Right now..."

The cats were quickly ousted from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it losing the plot if you never really had one in the first place? -grin- I felt the story needed one last piece, this is the last scene I had in mind when writing this story, and I'm going to go play with a werewolf-Jack and other fun things now.


End file.
